The curtain goes down...

That is how our attorney explained it at least. The curtain goes down on our debt and when it comes back up the day after filing bankruptcy? It is a new beginning - without the debt. Ten months later I am not sure the curtain has risen yet.

The past 10 months have been all consuming emotionally, physically and financially 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Anxiety, fear, isolation, loneliness. These are the primary emotions, along with anger, physical distress, emotional breakdowns, terror, guilt and grief. It is overwhelming much of the time.

We thought filing a SB Chapter 11 was the answer for several reasons. We wanted to pay our creditors. We wanted to maintain our businesses. We wanted the option to maintain investment property and pending business contracts. We wanted to freeze the penalties and interest to the IRS. All these things can be accomplished with a SB 11.

We are not sure now if that was the right decision but it was the decision we made. Asking ourselves now if we should have filed a Chapter 7 is really a moot point. If we had filed a 7 we would be asking ourselves whether we should have filed the 11, so what difference does it make in the end? We did what we did and will move forward from there.

It is important to me to note that our debt was incurred in the course of doing business, not as a result of high living. There were no massive bills for designer clothes, hair extensions, spa treatments, cosmetic surgery, exotic vacations or gambling junkets. We made some business decisions that locked up our cash at the very moment the economy started to choke and the banks became non-lenders to small business owners. Bad timing. Very bad timing.

The community in which we live is small enough that everyone knows everyone’s business and word got around quickly. This contributes to the sense of isolation and can tailspin into paranoia if you let it. Our community is ruled by a small group of business leaders and families with money who decide who gets to participate and benefit from whatever deals are done. You are in or out at their convenience. This community is notorious for the cliquishness and self-righteousness of its leading citizens. Very tough to break through. The hypocrisy of these people is breathtaking and their arrogance sees them through each day feeling like they are the most righteous people on earth.

In the meantime, the curtain is very slow to rise and while we’re waiting for that magical transformation to occur, a sort of half-life goes on.